Vibin' in Konoha
by deepermeaningbs16
Summary: A series of Naruto Oneshots/fanfics, featuring numerous features from characters of the Narutoverse. Set in multiple AU's/canon universe as well. Rated M for future chapters. Features Drinking, Partying, Smoking, and various other behaviors ;)
1. Chapter 1

**This is a bit of a weird oneshot, but the idea came to me while I was completely high out of my mind, so I decided to post it. The intention is to write a series of oneshots/fanfics, most of them oriented around Naruto, but not neccessarily exclusively just Naruto. Unless noted, treat each chapter as a separate story in it's own right.**

 **No, I don't own Naruto**

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke stared at each other, faces turned to each as the reality that their hands had just been obliterated set into them at just that moment. Neither man made a comment for several minutes, merely letting the situation sit in their minds for a bit. Much to Naruto's surprise, Sasuke spoke first.

"Holy shit." the Uchiha kid said, mood level and monotoned.

Naruto only turned back towards the sky, before saying "that did go quite how I expected." He heard a chuckle from his rival off to the side.

"You always find a way to fuck things up for me." Now it is time for both of them to laugh this time. The irony of the scenario (was that the right word?), and maybe the fact they were both trying to cope with the loss of their dominant forearms was too _fucking_ hilarious.

"Now how am I supposed to finger Hinata?" Naruto claimed jokingly, making Sasuke cringe at the thought of his friend of a sexual act. Between laughs, Sasuke commented back "or your ability to roll world class blunts," before laughing again.

"Fuck man, good thing I rolled a couple beforehand. I had a feeling we were gonna need them." Naruto grinned, before sitting up and pulling out to pristine looking blunts from his pocket. "It's Pineapple Express, my guy," Sasuke followed suit and sat up too. Sasuke paused for a second before saying "let's get our arms fixed before we bleed out, though."

* * *

Once Naruto had recovered his jacket and used it has a makeshift bandage for both of the shinobi, they wandered around the valley, or rather what was left of it, looking for a place to sit.

"Kami, we fucked this place up completely," Naruto commented, looking around them at the vast destruction, before continuing, "remember when we could barely put dents in those water towers in the hospital? Now we're destroyers of worlds."

"Don't get too full of yourself, crybaby."

Naruto simply grinned "Kutabare."

Sasuke smiled back "Fuck you too" before laughing again. They sat on two rocks opposing each other. Naruto held out the blunt and made a motion with his eyebrows towards Sasuke "You know what happens next man, we've done this plenty of times." Sasuke rolled his eyes before taking his one good hand and blowing an ember to light up the blunt. "Life's for a stoner convenient when your best friend's a human blowtorch, huh?"

Naruto simply nodded while taking a hit. He breathed in and out long and slowly. He then passed the blunt to the Uchiha kid.

As they continued to smoke, Naruto started up small talk again. "Good thing I always preferred masturbating with my off hand, always thought it felt nicer." Sasuke coughed out some smoke at the statement, taken aback by the overly explicit statement, though not entirely surprised.

"Ever heard of too much information, Naruto?" Sasuke said, coughing his lungs out.

"Prude." Naruto said back.

"Who's banging Sakura though," Sasuke spat back at his friend, before pointing his thumb towards his own chest, grinning triumphantly. Naruto simply straightened his posture, staring at Sasuke in the eyes.

"You know I'm over all that nonsense." Naruto exclaimed, before looking back towards the dusk sky.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Sure you are, _Lord Hokage_ "

Naruto flipped off Sasuke, earning another chuckle from the both of them.

"I'm high as fuck right now, I can't feel my right arm," Naruto said before leaning back.

"You stupid motherfucker, you don't have one," Sasuke said, laughing his ass off, sliding off his rock and on the floor.

Naruto simply stared at his stub of an arm before saying dumbfoundedly, "Oh righttttt,"

The Uchiha kid facepalmed in disbelief. "We're pretty fucked, aren't we?"

Uzumaki got up and stretched his one good arm, before answering "No doubt, but I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Preach that." Sasuke gave a thumbs up in approval.

Naruto waited a second before turning back to face Sasuke, "you think our kids are gonna be as bullheaded, stubborn, and stupid as we were?"

"For the sake of this village, I hope not,"

Naruto inquired for a second before following up, "I mean we'll be better parents, right?"

"As least they have parents." Sasuke said back, seriously.

"Yeah, for real. _Fuck_ , I could use some sake right now," Naruto said, stumbling on his own feet.

"I was thinking the same thing!" Sasuke said emphatically, pulling himself up.

"Let's go head back before someone comes looking for us." Naruto helped pull Sasuke up. "Which way is my village again?"

"Your village, whoa, look at you now,"

Naruto smiled back at his friend before sticking his arm out for a fist bump "For old times sake,"

Sasuke eyed Naruto up and down, waiting a second. "Of course, bro"

 _*fist bump*_

As the two rivals started walking back, Naruto asked "So who won?"

"I think we both lost today,"

They both laugh, content with the outcome.

Naruto thought to himself before speaking again "This kinda gave some closure to us, right?"

Sasuke nodded in agreement, "Wouldn't want to have been brutally mutilated by anyone else," before grinning.

Naruto stopped walking along the path. In confusion, Sasuke turned back towards Naruto "What's the matter?" Naruto simply gazed at Sasuke, deep in thought. _He's tripping his balls off right now._

Naruto confirmed Sasuke's hypothesis, saying "Dude, I'm so fucking gone. I just had the craziest realization," Naruto paused before looking down at his _hand,_ "what if we're just the product of some person's imagination, and we're actually just cartoon characters in a Manga or TV Series?"

Sasuke looked at him, dumbfounded. "You're a fucking retard. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard."

Naruto ran up to Sasuke, trying to plead his case "But think about it, we never really remember the little routines and shits we do when we're not fighting or doing some wild training bullshit."

"That's all you ever do, fuck you talking about?" Sasuke questioned the Uzumaki clan head.

"Dude, everything looks like we're in an anime right now, I'm being serious!"

"I think you may have smoked too much, Naruto. Let's go home."

Naruto reluctantly followed Sasuke, "You're right, my bad."

"Yeah, I know."

* * *

Once both shinobi made it back to Konoha, it was nightfall. Naruto and Sasuke were both sitting on the roof of the Hokage's office, staring at the new statue faces featured on the cliffside.

Naruto started up again, "But seriously, hear me out. What if this universe is just one of potentially an infinite amount, where in each one it's the same set of people, essentially, but just in different timelines, settings, or environments? Would that not be crazy as fuck?"

Sasuke didn't even bother to put in the energy to look at Naruto in the face, "You still talking about this bullshit?"

"Fuck you, I think it's an interesting idea to have," Naruto gazed up at the stars, "like what is Shikamaru doing right now?"

"Probably fucking Temari,"

"Mmm, you think?" Naruto said puzzled.

"If he isn't, he's working on it," the Uchiha kid said bluntly.

"Fair enough." Naruto finished.

Sasuke stood up from the roof, motioning to leave soon, before he spoke, "Though I do suppose it would be interesting if you were right,"

Naruto looked up at his friend, looking at him with a knowing gesture, "I know right! What if someone just decided to do a series of short stories and shit about them or whatever."

"That's hardly an original idea, I'm sure plenty of other people have thought and done that before."

"It's just…I don't know man, I get the urge to record these thoughts when I think of them, if not for anyone else then just myself."

"So do it then, you're just stalling otherwise. Why are we even having this fucking conversation?" Sasuke says back, placing his hand on his temple, which is starting to ache from the ideas that Naruto was spitting out.

"Exactly man!"

"I think you're losing too much blood, let's head to the hospital," Sasuke pulls his friend of the roof, and they start heading their way to the ER.

As they make their way across Konoha, Naruto stares to daze in and out of his consciousness. He tries to fight the strong sleeping sensation that's putting him under a spell, but he can't resist it. Eventually, it sucks him in, and he falls in a deep and heavy sleep.

* * *

…

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

 _WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!_

Naruto bangs his fist on the alarm, which based on the sound was right next to him, wherever he was, and broke the alarm soundly, earning a dead little 'beeeeeppp' sound.

Naruto rubbed his eyes before sitting up in his bed. Funny, it wasn't quite as comfortable as he had remembered it being. He was also surprised to not have been strucking with the typically overwhelming amount of natural light that hits him in the face from his and Hinata's bedroom window. But as he looked around, he was in dismay of what he saw. The room was dark and small, with stuff laying messily everywhere.

"You finally up?" said an unfamiliar voice off to the distance. Naruto turned to see a red head chick he had seen before but forgot where. Naruto stared at the chick; she was in a thong and putting on her bra in front of a mirror. She turned around, facing me, prompting me to look down.

The woman spoke again, "You don't have to look away or hide that you're looking. It's already been a couple weeks."

"Who-who are you?"

The woman just stared at him again, "You really are a fucking idiot sometimes, aren't you? Now hurry up before you're late for your Game Theory class." _What?_

Naruto looked down at his arms before gasping, _both his arms were intact! What the fuck!_

* * *

 **So there's the first chapter, let me know what you thought of it, and what your opinions were on that turn that the oneshot took at the end? I'm curious as to what you guys thought.**


	2. Friday Nights

**Welcome to Chapter 2! Here's another oneshot I wrote up. Hope you enjoy, and let me know your thoughts on it. I listened to alot of Bryson Tiller while writing this (I tend to write my fanfics to the mood of the music I'm listening to.)**

 **I don't own Naruto. Just this AU**

* * *

Friday Nights

It was a lively, warm friday night in Konohagakure, and Naruto, Shikamaru, and Kiba had just gotten off work. They all worked as interns for the Konoha Private Bank, which was a grinding and physically, as well as psychologically, difficult job. Thus, on this night, Kiba and Shikamaru, both of whom had just found out that Naruto had never drank alcohol before, decided to take Mr. Uzumaki to a bar for the first time.

"Yo, tell me how you've never gotten drunk before, what the hell?" Kiba said exasperatedly as he leaned forward in the booth, across from Naruto and Shikamaru on the other side.

"I dunno, the thought never came to me to do so." Naruto replied, rubbing the back of his neck at the sudden attention of this topic. "Why's it such a big deal though?"

Kiba almost coughed on his beer, "Why!? You're 20 fucking years old already, man! I've been drinking since I turned 13. And Shikamaru has been since he was 14. Have you _even_ had _sex_ before?"

"Too much information." Shikamaru mumbled passively as he put his pint down.

Naruto looked at both of them for second before shaking his head 'no'.

Kiba dropped his jaw. "Naruto, that's it. It's settled." He immediately got out of the booth and started to walk towards the bar.

Naruto exclaimed nervously, "What's settled?! Where you going?"

Kiba didn't even bother to turn around to answer. "We're getting you laid tonight!"

Naruto facepalmed in embarrassment. _This just gets better and better._

A couple minutes later, Kiba returned with 3 shot glasses and a bottle of some sort.

"What's that?" the blonde enquired.

"It's a bottle of whiskey, which we're finishing tonight." Kiba grinned at his 2 friends, both of whom traded nervous looks with each other.

Shikamaru simply answered, "How troublesome."

* * *

About an hour later, and ¾ of the whiskey bottle finished, the full effects of Kiba's decisions had begun to take in.

"Yo, this feels fucking _incredible."_ Naruto said, staring at his hands in amazement. "I'm soooo drunk."

Kiba laughed at the comment, "The night's still young for you, my friend."

Shikamaru was sprawled out on the table, having clearly drunk his full.

"Is he dead?" Naruto asked Kiba, concerned for his coworker. "That would be a drag."

They both laughed hysterically at the pun.

"You're an idiot, Naruto." Kiba said, rubbing a tear out his eye.

Shikamaru groaned right after that, and slowly pulled his weight off the table, sitting up again. "Fuck you guys, man."

Kiba stared back at Shikamaru, "Looks like someone had too much to drink,"

Shikamaru replied back immediately, "You drink too much of this dick, fuckboy." Naruto laughed at the joke. Shikamaru turned to face Naruto as well, "Fuck you laughing about? You look like you got into a fight with an alley cat and lost, you stupid motherfucker."

Kiba gasped, before banging his fist on the table and stating "You a straight savage, Shikamaru, chill out."

"Nah bro, fuck outta here with that pussy shit. Gimme that." Shikamaru gripped the bottle and downed a third of what remained in the bottle, "I'm just getting lit out here, you feel."

Kiba took the bottle away from Shikamaru "No, fuck you, this is for Uzumaki to finish, not your greedy ass."

Shikamaru simply made a 'tsk', leaning back saying "What a drag."

Kiba looked back at Naruto, handing him the bottle. "Finish it. Now."

Naruto looked down at the bottle, hesitantly. "What if I drink too much."

Shikamaru simply chuckled, "That's an urban myth, there's no such thing."

 _Great examples these guys are, huh?_

"Are you gonna do it? It's okay if you're just a pussy you know." Kiba said mockingly.

Naruto's face flustered "No I'm not!"

"Nah, you're too pussy to finish that drink though."

"NO! Fuck off! Watch me!" Naruto drank straight from the bottle, desperately trying to fight back the burning sensation in his throat as he emptied the bottle out. _Come onnnnnn._

Slowly, Naruto put the bottle down, and now it was his turn to lay his head on the table. "Uhhhhhhh,"

Kiba clapped his hands in approval, "How you feeling, champ?"

"Like shit."

Kiba and Shikamaru both laughed, "That's to be expected, just let that false bravado circulate and give it's warmth and strength."

Naruto pulled his face off the table, leaning against his cushion "Okay, you're right. I'm kinda in the mood now."

Kiba grinned ear to ear, "Trying to pick up a bitch?"

Naruto scratched his head to remember, "uhhh...yeah, let's do it."

Kiba backed up at that moment, "OH, no no no. You're on your own, buddy. Fend for yourself."

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise, "What are you talking about, you said you would help!"

"I help those who help themselves." Kiba crossed his arms.

Naruto waited a minute to answer, "But who?"

Kiba scanned the bar for potential suitors, "Mmmmm there, how bout the Brunette chick on her own at that table."

Naruto looked at where Kiba had pointed and tried to make out the person "I don't know her."

"Perfect. Then fuck her."

"It can't possibly be that easy." Naruto said back, skeptical of Kiba.

"Trust me, bro. Just be confident and be yourself, well just a little bit like yourself. You're not exactly a ladies man."

Naruto flipped off Kiba before turning back around to look at the woman again, _interesting, she seems familiar._ "Okay, I'm going."

Kiba grinned, "You got this bro, and remember. Be confident." Naruto nodded on and stood up to walk towards the 'target'.

Once Naruto left, Kiba turned to Shikamaru, who had passed out on the table. "Shikamaru! Get up man! I'm not trying to take care of your pineapple looking head!"

* * *

As Naruto walked towards the brunette, butterflies began to flutter in his stomach. _What are you doing right now bro? You don't even know this person?_ Naruto shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts out of his head. _Nah, man, you fucking got this. Just be your inner Bryson Tiller and you got this shit._ As Naruto continued this internal argument with himself, he realized that he had finished his walk up to the girl of interest. Before he had a chance to introduce himself, however, she turned around to face him.

"Hey there, how yo-Whoa Hinata!" Naruto backed up, startled by the identity of the person.

"H-h-hi Naruto-kun." The Hyuuga girl said in response, clearly just as surprised with Naruto's presence as he was of hers.

"Uhhhhhh, hey there Hinata! Mind if I-I-I ummm take a seat?" Naruto internally agonized over his sudden nervousness. _It's just Hinata, my guy. You've known each other since elementary school._ Naruto punched his leg in frustration with himself. Hinata didn't seem to notice however. She simply nodded her head and motioned Naruto to seat himself. When Naruto made his way to his chair, he noticed that Hinata had dropped her head down, clutching her drink tight to herself, with a faint blush on her face. _Okay, okay, this should be easy. You're drunk, confident, good looking, and you know this girl._ None of Naruto's internal pep talk really had it's desired effect though, as the Uzumaki kid continued to struggle for words as they sat in silence.

Hinata spoke first, surprisingly. "What brings y-you here?"

Naruto sat up, thinking of a better answer than the truth. "Ummmm, just wanted to stop andddddd say…..hi?" _Oh my Kami. That was awful._

Hinata, clearly not buying the answer, simply said "oh."

 _Yeah, I know._

Naruto tried to draw attention away from himself, instead asking "When'd you get here, Hinata?"

"O-oh, about half an hour ago."

"Ahhhhh nice. Did youuu comee with anyone?" Naruto continued to stammer and drag in his speech, leaving him annoyed with himself.

"N-n-no, I'm sorry. Were you looking for someone else?" Hinata asked in her trademark way.

Seeing where this conversation was quickly headed given the wrong answer, Mr. Uzumaki quickly sat up before saying, "no no, not at all! I was just curious, that's all…" He was rubbing the back of his neck anxiously now.

Hinata looked back up, smiling at Naruto. It immediately sent shock waves down his spine and across his body, as he slowly smiled back.

"H-how much ha-have you had to drink?" Hinata asked, curiosity in her voice.

"Ummmmm a lot...is it obvious?"

The brunette blushed and nodded her head. "Very."

"Fuck." Naruto covered his mouth, _I didn't mean to say that out loud!_

Hinata chuckled at the statement, "It's ok, Naruto-kun. I'm s-sorry."

Naruto waved his hand back in reply, "You have no reason to be, it's my fault. Look…" Naruto again blanked on any words to say as he continued to choke. _I just wanna crawl under my bed and scream right about now. I'm fucking up sooo bad!_

Giving up, Naruto simply took a breath before speaking. _Time to just be myself._ "I'm sorry Hinata. I shouldn't have bothered you this evening. It's just…my friends decided to take me out tonight cuz I had never really drank before, and then they told me to go pick up a girl here and take them back. Thus, I came here to do...well that. But right now I'm just feeling really fucking dumb, and I have nothing worthwhile to say but apologize to you at the moment-"

Hinata laughed, hands over her mouth, as she started bending over in laughter. _What?_

"Is eve-everything ok? Hinata?" Naruto asked, half-concerned, half-confused.

Hinata nodded her head after her laughing had died down, before saying "It was just funny, I don't know, I guess I'm a bit too drunk too." Naruto raised his eyebrows, having no idea that she was the type to drink. Naruto twiddled his fingers as he thought of something to say, but Hinata once again beat him to the punch.

"I-I guess we're here for the same reason maybe, then?"

It took a second for the _meaning_ of the comment to set in completely, as Naruto blushed ever so faintly at the sudden exposure of his true motives. _Or maybe it was cuz of the nature of her motives…?_

"Is that so?"

The brunette girl nodded, looking down again at the table.

"How much have you had to drink, exactly" Naruto asked on, curious.

Hinata thought for a second, before answering "I lost count, but not that much, I'm just buzzed….unlike you." Naruto started laughing at her blunt nature.

"Yeahh, I guess so."

Hinata looked up and stared at Naruto in the eyes. As he looked back at her, he found himself mesmerized by Hinata's eyes, as if a revelation had just been made on his part. She never quite looked so _good_ before, but he supposed he had never paid her enough attention to begin with. Now that he had...well maybe it was just the whiskey giving him goggles, but he couldn't really care less at the point.

Hinata spoke again, seeming to have adopted a more confident persona in her drunken state, "How are you going to get back home?"

Naruto shook his head, as he looked over to the booth, he noticed Kiba and Shikamaru had disappeared and ditched him. _Fuck._ "Ummm I'm not sure yet."

Hinata continued asking questions, the intensity in her eyes not leaving at that moment. "Do you k-know how to get back to your place alone from here?"

Naruto shook his head, "I don't really remember if I'm honest."

Hinata leaned back, deep in thought for a second.

"Do you wanna stay at my place for the night…? If you want…."

Naruto smiled back at Hinata, in an attempt to veil his panicking self.

"Sure, that'd sound nice."

Hinata blushed viciously at the answer, looking down again. "We could take a cab back to my apartment, my roommate is with her boyfriend tonight, anyway."

Naruto smile stayed on his face, unsure what else to do with his body at that moment. "That sounds fine."

Hinata looked up once more, smiling faintly. "Okay…."

Naruto clumsily got up from his seat, and offered his hand to help Hinata off her seat. "It's kinda late now anyways, and I think I'm done with drinking for the night."

Hinata blushed grew deeper if it were possible, as she took the hand and stood down. "Sure."

They both left the bar and took a cab back to Hinata's place.

* * *

 **There you have it! There may or may not be a Part 2 to this chapter, as I decide if this oneshot is better off left openended or nah. Let me know what you think of the NaruHina story though and if it was any good, it was my first try**

 **BYE!**


	3. Midnight Mayhem

**For this Oneshot, I decided to do a ShikaTem, set in a Modern AU. I may build upon this one later but it's just an idea. Regardless, enjoy the chapter and leave a review!**

* * *

Midnight Mayhem

To Shikamaru, this Tuesday night had been much like every other night; He got home late from working overtime at KPB (Konoha Private Bank), played FIFA for a couple hours while he waited for his beloved wife Temari to return home from her hangout with her 'gal pals', and ordered Chinese takeout for dinner, as a nine month pregnant woman is expectedly reluctant to make dinner herself. They watched some _Game of Thrones_ reruns, and by midnight, Shikamaru was ready to call it a night.

"Good night, Temari" Shikamaru kissed his wife in the lips once before turning the lamp off next to him to go to sleep.

….

* * *

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Shikamaru sat up in his bed, groggy with sleep and left confused by the sudden screech. He turned to his right to see Temari sitting up, holding her stomach as she continued to yell and gasp for air.

"Shikamaruuuuuuu! My water!" the Suna native yelled once more. Shikamaru immediately knew what had just taken place; his wife was giving birth.

"I'll go get the car ready!" Shikamaru said, falling out of his bed with a loud _thud_ as he quickly scrambled to get ready.

"You fucking _baka!_ You sent the car into the repair shop yesterday!"

 _Oh. right._ Shikamaru groaned as he scratched his head, trying to think of something "How troublesome."

Temari's patience, which was never that long under normal circumstances, wore even thinner "DO SOMETHING! THIS KID WANTS TO GET OUT!"

Shikamaru put his hands together in his trademark thinking stance (well tick), as he thought of an idea. Shikamaru took a quick look at the clock. _It's 4am right now, I have no idea how to help my wife give birth, let's think. Think. Think._

Shikamaru opened his eyes as he said "Aha! Temari, put on something warm, I'm gonna make a call!" The Nara clan head dashed to the living room, where he his phone was charging. He picked up the phone, and dialed up the phone number of the person he knew would be able to get them across town (to the hospital) in a dash.

"Hello? Shikamaru, do you have any idea what _fucking_ time it is?"

Shikamaru paced around the living room as he frantically searched for his shoes. "Naruto! I need your help right now!"

Naruto took a moment to an answer, which at this point may as well have been an eternity. "What's the matter? This is very unlike you to be in a rush. Is something wrong?"

Shikamaru bit his lip in frustration as he found his shoes, putting them on as fast as he could. "My wife's in labor! Choji is out of the city, and I don't know who else to call! Can you drive here ASAP and take us to the hospital please!?"

Naruto seemed to pick up on the reality of the situation, as his voice changed to a more alert tone, and Shikamaru heard movement in the background, as well as someone else seemingly talking to Naruto, presumably Hinata. Naruto spoke up, "Sure, sure, man no problem! I'll be there in five minutes! BE READY!", and with that, Naruto hung up the phone. Shikamaru stopped for a second to catch his breath, before being startled once again by his wife's yelling, "SHIKAMARU WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU! CAN'T YOU SEE I NEED HELP!?"

Shikamaru ran back to their bedroom, his mind moving a million miles a second. "Temari! Temari! Naruto is gonna drive us to the hospital, lemme help you get ready, he'll be here in a couple of minutes!" He gripped his wife hand as he helped her sit upright on their bed. "Just take some deep breaths, okay? I'll get your shoes and clothes." Temari only shook her head.

"Shikamaru, just get my shoes! I'm not gonna be able to change clothes like THI-AHHHHHHHHHH! THIS FUCKING BABY!" Temari yelled at the top of her lungs, gripping her husband's hand so tight, Shikamaru thought it was gonna shatter.

"OW OW OW, let go of me!" Shikamaru pleaded with his wife as his hand turned white. He had to fight for his hand to slip out of his wife's vice-grip, before hearing a loud _HONK HONK._ _Thank Kami for your Ex Machina-esque timing, Naruto._

"That's our ride. Temari, we have to go now!" Shikamaru said as helped his wife stand up and walk to the door.

"YOU THINK I DON'T FUCKING KNOW THAT!? I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Temari's wrath knew no bounds. Mr. Nara helped his wife walk out of the front door of their townhouse as fast as possible, as he saw Naruto's _Bentley Mulsanne_ double-parked outside their steps.

"Deep breathes, Temari. We're almost at the car."

Naruto jumped out the driver's seat as he walked towards Temari, helping her into the car. Shikamaru speeded his way to the other side of the car, getting in the back seat next to Temari. Naruto made his way back into the driver's seat, before typing in the address of the nearest hospital. "Buckle up, guys! It's GONNA BE A FAST RIDE!" Almost on cue, the care speeded forward, reaching top speed at an insane rate as Shikamaru felt the momentum of the car push him into his seat instantly. Shikamaru held his wife's hand.

"Temari, how are you doing?" Shikamaru asked concerned.

Temari, sweat forming on her face, turned towards Shikamaru before saying "I feel him pushing out, Shikamaru! I don't know how much longer I can hold it!"

Naruto spoke up as he drove the car through the empty streets of Konoha's North Side, "I'll get to the hospital as fast as I can! Just please don't leave any stains or make any spills on the seats, it's a lot of money!"

Shikamaru groaned at the comment, but kept his focus on Temari. He could feel the luxury car gather velocity as it began to swerve around cars as they got onto the highway.

Shikamaru felt his heart beating so fast that it was practically jumping out of his chest, but kept his voice level as he tried to fight through the stammers his anxiety were giving him. "We're gonna be there soon, babe. Hang in there."

Temari nodded her head as she closed her eyes shut, before screaming again with another "AHHHH!" Once again, Shikamaru felt his hand crumble under the crushing grip of his wife.

 _Why couldn't this kid just wait till morning before causing a racket!?_

Shikamaru felt his sweatshirt, before realizing that it was damp. He quickly looked outside to notice that it had been snowing. Funny what things a person could miss when put under distress in a situation like this.

"Shikamaru." Shikamaru snapped his head back to the front of the car, where Naruto had called his name.

"Yeah?"

"Things may get a bit bumpy from here on out. I suggest you hold onto your wife tightttt! WHOA!" the car started to blitz past the cars in front of it as Naruto swerved his way through the traffic up ahead.

Temari caught notice of this too as Shikamaru held on tight to his wife, making sure she didn't bump against the wall to inflict further distress. "Why in the name of KAMI are there so many FUCKING CARS ON THE HIGHWAY!?"

Shikamaru tried to ease his wife down again, rubbing the back of her hand with his. "There's always something happening in Konoha, hun. Not quite as quiet as Suna is. You fit in well." Temari chuckled at the joke, as she gave her husband a peck on the cheek. "How much further, Shikamaru!?"

Shikamaru repeated the question to Naruto, who took a look at the GPS before replying "at this rate, just a couple minutes."

Thankfully for both Temari and Shikamaru, their child's kicking and pushing subsided for the rest of the ride, as though the speeding automobile had soothed it's fit. In just a couple minutes, Shikamaru saw the hospital come into view.

"Temari! We're almost there!" Shikamaru reassured his wife, sweat starting to form on his forehead as well. As the car pulled up to the ER entrance, Shikamaru sat up in his seat, saying "Naruto, look after my wife for a second, I'm going inside." Naruto nodded his head as he got out of his seat and moved towards the back, while Shikamaru sprinted out the car and into the lobby. He juked his way around several people before banging his hand against the lobby desk and shouting,

"I need help! My wife's in the back of my friend's car, and she's going into labor as we speak!" The receptionist seemed taken aback by the whole situation, and took a second to recollect her bearings before saying "We'll take care of her, sir." She spoke to someone through her earpiece, and a few moments later a crew of staff came running down the hallway with a hospital bed in the middle.

Shikamaru shouted in his panicked state "It's the Bentley car!" before rubbing the back of his neck in nervousness. A minute or so later, Shikamaru saw the same team roll back inside the hospital, snow resting on each of them, and Temari sitting up in the bed as medical staff assisted her. Shikamaru walked out into the hallway as he saw them go past him. As Shikamaru went forward to follow them, the receptionist got in his way, saying "Let them take care of your wife, she's in good hands now. They're professionals."

Shikamaru wasn't gonna have any of this fucking _nonsense._ "My wife needs me! I have to be with her!" As he tried to go around the receptionist, she tried to get in his way again. This prompted Shikamaru to shove the woman aside, but before he could progress any further, he felt someone pull him back from behind. Shikamaru turned around to see it was a flustered and intense Naruto. Shikamaru tried to pull away, "Temari needs me Naruto, Fuck off!" Naruto responded by gripping onto Shikamaru's arm tighter and then using his other hand to grip Shikamaru by that same arm's shoulder, before pushing down his weight to force Shikamaru to the ground.

Naruto said with a tense calm to his voice, "You need to relax, bro. Your wife's fine, but you need to let the nurses do their job and take care of her."

Shikamaru chose not to answer, instead of looking up intensely at his friend, as his panting calmed down. After a minute, Shikamaru nodded his head. "Okay, I'll let them do their work." Naruto smiled down before offering his hand to Shikamaru. Shikamaru took it gratefully, pulling himself up from the floor.

"When can I see my wife?" Shikamaru asked the receptionist again.

"I'll notify you as soon you can. For now, take a seat in the waiting room upstairs." Both Shikamaru and Naruto walked up to the waiting room.

* * *

As Shikamaru waited impatiently in the waiting room, he looked outside at the snowy skyline of downtown Konoha. There was a pristine beauty to the image in front of him, the sprawling, martially run city in the dead of night. His train of thought was broken, when a nurse walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. "Your wife has given birth, sir. I will escort you to her room now if you would like." Shikamaru nodded and followed the nurse.

Once they reached the room, Shikamaru frantically walked in, before pausing when his eyes fell on his wife. Temari lay in her bed; her clothes damp with sweat and her hair sticking to her forehead, clutching their child in her arms as she looked down at the baby. Shikamaru couldn't help but smile. He walked up to Temari, before kneeling down to be able to look at their baby at eye level.

"It's a boy," Temari said, before handing their son to Shikamaru. "What should we name him?"

Shikamaru was speechless. Words couldn't describe the emotions that were coursing through him at that moment; Relief, excitement, joy, exhaustion, a little bit of pain, and several other ones that Shikamaru couldn't quite put his finger on. He lifted his son up to his eyes, who shared much resemblance with him. "We should call him Shikadam."

Temari looked up at her, waiting for a second before saying "Are you serious?"

Shikamaru turned to his wife, "What? Something wrong?"

"That's a stupid name. How 'bout Shikadai?"

"I like Shikadam," Shikamaru said back, knowing where this conversation was going.

"No, no, no. It's gonna be Shikadai." Temari said, crossing her arms and giving an expression that got the point across that this was _not_ up for debate. Sighing, Shikamaru mumbled "What a drag. Okay, we can name him Shikadai." Temari immediately smiled, before gesturing for Shikamaru to sit next to her.

Once Shikamaru sat down beside Temari, his wife embraced him in a hug, "We're finally together as a family." she said softly. Shikamaru kissed his wife, handing Shikadai back to her, "I have to use the bathroom."

"Geez, thanks for your being such a gentleman," Temari said back, smirking as her husband got up to leave the room.

He simply raised his hand in the air, "You're welcome." He could hear Temari laugh as he entered the hallway. The first thing he saw was Naruto standing a few feet outside the door, phone in his hand, as he smirked at Shikamaru.

As Naruto walked up to Shikamaru, he said: "Welcome to the squad, homie."

"What you mean?" Shikamaru said, eyebrow raised.

"The #Father Squad!" Naruto gave Shikamaru a chest bump and a dab, to which Shikamaru willingly returned.

"Don't tell me it's too troublesome?" Shikamaru asked.

Naruto only sighed, "You have no fucking idea, sometimes I wonder why we're even considering a second one."

Shikamaru laughed, "Don't say that too loud; Hinata might hear."

Naruto chuckled and turned away "Good luck, Shikamaru. It's gonna be a drag."

* * *

 **HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! Tell me what you guy's thought of the oneshot, all opinions welcome.**

 **Raindrop,**

 **Drop Top,**

 **I love smoking Kush, make a Hot Box (ayy)**


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